Xcelerated Performance: Raising Kids Who Know Who They Are

Casey Jagoras 01.Sep.2023

In a World Suffering From an Identity Crisis

There is so much confusion in this crazy world we live in. Kids are being influenced like never before. Biblical truths are being pushed aside and buried. The next generation of youth is powered by "this is my truth" and fueled by offendedness.

The motivation for this radical change from the biblical to the worldly was so that everyone would be happier- more accepted, feel they belong, and be allowed to decide on their own preferred identity based on their feelings.

The issue is those between the ages of 6-26 are more depressed, anxious, suicidal, and sexually confused than ever. Statistically, all these markers have increased tenfold in the last 5 years.

Raising confident, healthy, and righteous children is more challenging than ever!

My husband and I wanted to limit the negative influence the world would have on our girls. So, after some serious thought, we took our girls out of school and started homeschooling. This was a very challenging decision for me. I had no idea how I would have the time or patience to take on this additional role on top of everything I was already juggling.

Now, 3 years into our new normal of homeschooling, our girls are a year and a half ahead of their grade levels. They are learning so much more about themselves, their emotions, their faith, and their identity than they would if we had left it up to public school. Furthermore, they absorb knowledge about business, life, adulthood, and the entrepreneurial journey by watching Samson and me daily.

Because our daughters are being heavily influenced by us instead of the world, they are confident, poised, righteous children of God- who know who they are, what they are capable of, and their worth.

Here are 3 things we teach our girls

1. Our desire to belong is a stirring to seek Jesus

Everyone wants to belong, to find their place, their group, their calling, their identity... The emptiness we feel when it's not there can be all-consuming. Everyone feels this- no one is exempt.

You can let it turn to anxiety, depression, and an exploration of things that will only make you feel more empty and alone, OR you can see it for what it really is- A stirring in your heart to discover Jesus. Until you have a genuine relationship with Jesus, you will always feel like you are missing something or that something is not right. This is on purpose. It is God's way of helping you discover that you need to seek Him, and it is He that you belong to.

2. Feelings are fickle

Feelings can't be trusted. Sometimes we wake up happy, sometimes crumpy.. for no reason at all. We need to stop putting so much emphasis on our feelings because they are liars!

When our kids let their feelings get away from them, we train them to stop and ask, "What is really going on here?" We have them evaluate the situation from a constructive problem-solver mindset. Am I tired, hungry, sad, or irritated? If I am sad or irritated, why? How can I solve that AND what is the truth here? Once they have figured out the issue, have them fix it! Then, we tell them to focus on the truth- not their feelings.

If not put in check, feelings can be very catastrophizing. I learned the technique above from Hannah Keeley, a Christian leader. It seems simple, but it does not come naturally. Kids need to be trained to evaluate their emotions and turn them around to the positive by saying the truth out loud. This is a daily, if not hourly, practice!

An Example of this in action: Your child is sad. Have them ask themselves what is really going on. They respond that they don't fit in or feel comfortable in their own skin. They say they feel stupid, embarrassed, and upset. But that is how they feel- this needs to be replaced with truth. So you have them repeat "I am perfect the way God made me, I am His masterpiece, I am loved, I am just right the way I am, everyone feels sad and uncomfortable at times, This is normal, I am normal, I am just the way I am supposed to be.

3. Our identity comes from Christ

Our true identity doesn't come from our imagination. It isn't something we create. It doesn't come from how we feel, and it never changes. Our identity is constant. It was placed within us when we were created... Our identity comes from our creator.

God is our creator. Without understanding who He is, we can never understand who He made us to be.

He created us, and our identity is found in Him. We are who He says we are.

This is who God Says we are:

Fearfully and wonderfully made
We are made in God's likeness
Through Him, we are made perfect
We were made on purpose with a purpose
We are made to worship
We are made male and female for a reason, and male and female were made for each other.